The Couples Retreat Billboard Is Misleading

I don't know about you, but until a few days ago I knew next to nothing about the upcoming film Couples Retreat. Warner Brothers rents ad space on a building right by my house, and when the Couples Retreat ad went up, I honestly thought the movie was some sort of slasher/thriller.



Look how dour everyone is! Sure, upon closer inspection you can see that Kristen Bell* is making a funny face, but if you were to just glance at it, everyone looks really grim. And the tagline "It may be paradise... but it's no vacation" could easily be from a slasher movie rather than a comedy about couples who hate each other. (I guess? I seriously only have the barest inkling of what the movie is about.)

And unlike the image above, the ad near my house lists Vince Vaughn's name above the title, making it seem like he's the only actor in the movie anyone might have heard of. That guy's been in dramas! Maybe he had a house payment to make so he had to do this quicky thriller. Sure, you might notice Jon Favreau on a second glance, but he's been in dramas, too. It takes quite a bit of looking to recognize Jason Bateman and start to think that maybe this is some sort of comedy.

What I'm saying is that if you had not heard of this movie and only sort of paid attention to the ad, it's possible that it could look like a movie where some of these people are killed with a knife.


*I didn't know Kristen Bell was in this movie until I hit Google Image Search to find the billboard image. If Google is to be believed, she spends this entire movie in a bikini. This makes me want to see the movie 25% more than I did before. Unfortunately, 25% of zero is still zero.

Things I Notice

So, we all know that the single greatest episode of Project Runway is the one where the designers have to make outfits for the WWE Divas. No, don't second-guess me on this. It is the GREATEST EPISODE. Not just of Project Runway, but possibly of any reality show, ever. Seriously. Take a look.

Anyway, I wouldn't blame you if you thought that episode would be the only cross-over between Project Runway and the WWE. But you'd be wrong!

Because while he was recently out with injuries, mid-card staple Matt Hardy...



...apparently snuck onto the new season as a contestant, claiming to be one "Christopher Straub."



OH YEEEEEEEEEAH! Obviously, Matt wanted to remain incognito for his little dalliance into the world of fashion, and assumed that surely no one out there paid close attention of both reality fashion competitions and professional wrestling. Little did he know! But it's okay, Matt. Your secret is safe with me and this blog's three readers.

Part Deux

There's plenty of complaint-fodder in Empire Magazine's list of the 50 greatest sequels, but probably the most egregious entry is for The French Connection II, which shouldn't be on the list in the first place, let alone at #16.

For those not familiar with The French Connection II, it plays just like one of those joke sequel pitches at the beginning of The Player. "So Popeye gets addicted to heroin, but he kicks it through SHEER FORCE OF WILL. Then, remember that French guy who got away at the end of the first movie? Popeye totally gets to shoot him in the face."

Also, Aliens at #1? I like that movie, but c'mon, guys.

Ponyo, Again

The ever-reliable Joe McCulloch reviews Ponyo in his estimable style. A quick quote:

"Ponyo relies on a quiet sort of surrealism, blending unexplained adult actions with some archetypical images, so as to communicate with its audience of young children on a primal level."

Yeah, that's exactly right.

Despite the various television advertisements' attempts to convince you otherwise, let me just say that there is NO MONSTER in Whiteout. It's just a friggin' murder mystery. The source material is quite good. There's just, y'know, no monster in it.

Today is for Psychonauts

Weird

You know what's a weird movie? A Knight's Tale. Who the hell greenlit that movie?

"Yeah, so it's a reworking of Chaucer, except Chaucer's actually in the movie as a character and he's sort of a wisecracking con man."

"Go on."

"And all the music's going to be modern music. Like all the peasants sing "We Will Rock You" and people dance around to "Golden Years.""

"This sounds amazing."

"Oh, and the whole thing is probably going to be two-and-a-half hours long. At least."

"I am willing to give you as much money as you need to get this project off the ground."

More important mystery: why am I thinking about A Knight's Tale? That shit came out 8 years ago.