Joy to the Power of HAM

So, Ponyo. This movie is great because someone like me can enjoy it on two levels. One the one hand, it's a sweet, funny fairy tale that distinguishes itself by obeying its own internal dreamy kid-logic. On the other hand, it's totally batshit insane, the sort of movie that could launch a thousand Cracked.com articles. This is a movie you could watch with your kids one night, and then blaze up and watch with your deadbeat friends the next. And it's 100% successful on both levels!

There are going to be a few SPOILERS ahead, and honestly, this movie's probably better the less you know about it ahead of time.

Ponyo, a loose adaptation of "The Little Mermaid", is the story of a little goldfish who defies her sea-wizard father and ventures to the surface of the ocean, where she is discovered by a curious little boy. Ponyo falls in love (albeit cute, non-sexy, five-year-old love, not the Ariel chest-thrusting sort) and decides the sea is for suckers. Unfortunately, Ponyo's attempts to become human upset the balance of nature and things start to go seriously awry.

Pretty straight-forward, right? NO, NOT AT ALL. When Ponyo decides to go full-human and chase down Sosuke, the little boy she's enamored with, she does so by causing a FREAKING TSUNAMI, almost completely submerging the coastal town in which Sosuke lives. WHOOPS. And nobody cares! I guess I should mention that the tsunami sequence is probably the best single scene I've seen in a movie all year. Seriously, it is completely exhilarating. But still, she wipes out that whole town. It's the sort of scene where as you're watching it you're like "Wow, this is amazing!" and then later you think "Jesus, that was insane!"

Everyone and everything in the movie obeys this weird dream-logic. Like, as the storm is happening, Sosuke's mom drives very recklessly and takes crazy risks in order to make sure that she and Sosuke make it home okay. Only once she's home for like 10 minutes she decides she needs to head back to the nursing home where she works in order to check on the old people. THAT'S WHERE YOU JUST CAME FROM LADY! YOU NEARLY DIED GETTING HOME! And when Ponyo appears before Sosuke now fully-human, he exclaims "Mom! Ponyo's back and she's a girl now!" And then the mom just rolls with it! Like "Well, so she is!" WHAT. SHE WAS A GOLDFISH LAST TIME YOU SAW HER THAT IS TOTALLY CRAZY.

Meanwhile, the moon is about to crash into the earth.

Also, Ponyo loves ham and that's basically all she talks about. Like, she screams "HAM!" at the top of her lungs. All the time.

Oh, and Ponyo's wizard father vows to wipe out humanity and then forgets about it.

And I haven't even mentioned Ponyo's adorably/horrifying sisters. (Yes, they are all just miniature versions of Ponyo.)

You see what I'm talking about. Listen, this movie definitely isn't for everyone. If you're like, say, this guy, you might find this movie to be a cornucopia of horrors. But if you're willing to go with the flow (not even a pun, I swear to God), you might wind up like me, loving this movie and wanting to marry it.

BONUS: The dance sensation of 2009!